Godly Dating: I’m in love with a Christian Leader

Curly hair, fair skinned, ‘chinito’ cutie, soft-spoken, approachable, kind, gentle, and humble — he’s a man anyone can count on; a Christian guy admired by many and respected by most. He leads many people to Christ and guides many young men to right believing. I look at him and sparks fly. He’s someone I used to admire from afar and pray for secretly. Yep, I’m in love with a Christian leader…

Dating a Christian Leader

When I said yes to my boyfriend after 15 months of courtship, it was a dream come true. He was my dream come true! (He’s a crush since high school; we met again in Church during my Undergraduate days. The courtship lasted for long because…maybe I’ll write about it next time so watch out)  We agree to other couples who say that pursuing a godly relationship won’t always going to be a sweet ride. And so there were fights, “let’s stop talking for a while” moments, almost break-up sessions, and sometimes slamming of the door (I did huhu sorry).

I thought dating a Christian leader would be a ticket to an “oh so perfect” relationship. It’s just so far from the truth… and trust me, IT IS OKAY.

Today, as a happy birthday blog special to my boyfriend (October 18), I’m writing about my experiences in dating a Christian leader…

What to expect when you date a Christian Leader.

You will not be his number 1 priority… and it’s okay!

I am not my boyfriend’s priority. We’re clear on that. We have our own families to support, careers to build, ministries to serve.

We’re both leaders of a volunteer team in our church (I lead the Worship Team while he leads the Theatre and Dance Team). Like him, I also handle a discipleship group composed of young professionals. This means there are times that we could not be with each other. At this time of our life, unmarried and young, we want to make sure we are giving all that we can to serve the ministry of God.

I’ve always believed that if a man loves God first, he can only love his woman the best way. Someone who loves God never goes empty; he will always be replenished with fresh grace and love every day to overflow to people around him/her.

You will not have total privacy… and that’s safe!

Dating a Christian leader means you can’t expect to have total privacy. I don’t mean you are obliged to broadcast your relationship. What I mean is that, you will always have eyes looking at you. But that’s not necessarily creepy 🙂

There will be 3 groups of people who will always have their eyes on you. First, the people you lead who will look at you to find something to imitate. Then, the friends who will walk alongside you and share the same struggles. And most importantly, your leaders will watch over you and make sure you live according to God’s preferred path for you. And truth be told, we are very grateful for this set-up.

I’ve seen many couples who chose to seclude themselves and veer away from accountability and so ended up more hurt… and sometimes, well, they just ended.

As for me and Marlon, we pray that our relationship would not fail and part of that is to make our love life a ‘community project’.

• We’ve had conflicts when I wanted to call it quits, but when I thought of the hassle of explaining to the people I lead why it had to be, I change my mind. hehe.
• We have different upbringing and way of thinking so we tend to argue on things (plus the stresses of life). And if not for friends who will comfort us individually and encourage us to reconcile, I think we would have ended our relationship a long time ago.
• And if not for the leaders that kept on watching over us, I don’t know how far and fast we could have deviated from God’s will for our life as a couple.

You will not have a perfect story… and that makes it beautiful!

It does not mean that you are dating a Christian leader, someone strong and mature, that you will already have the perfect love story.

We’re all a work-in-progress, including you and your partner. In fact, the closer you get to each other, the more that you see the things you can’t even stomach about the person. And most of the time, these are things you can’t change but things you just have to lovingly understand.

Being in a relationship means living a life of every-day grace. It’s a story of extending forgiveness every single time. It’s about making grace real and loving like Jesus. And if I am allowed to be less preachy and to be transparent, trust me, I have failed many times. I get hurt, disappointed, stiff, full of pride, and very attacking. Sometimes I forget that relationship isn’t about winning a fight but instead letting the other person win.

I am not dating someone perfect, and that’s okay. It is only thru this that we experience the beauty of loving unconditionally, gracious acceptance, and freeing forgiveness.

As Christian Leaders, we’re called to Love Each Other.

⁷ Dear friends, let us continue to love one another, for love comes from God. Anyone who loves is a child of God and knows God. ⁸ But anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love. (1 John 4)

The greatest call of a Christian is not doing many good things to earn trophies. Instead, it is to dirty our hands in loving the other. Loving can get so messy. It’s allowing yourself to be vulnerable, which can be scary but also rewarding. 

There is no safe investment. To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket—safe, dark, motionless, airless—it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside of heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is hell. (CS Lewis)